Two Steps Back
by MegMarch1880
Summary: Dealing with rejection is hard, but so is dealing with the end of a friendship. Anne and Gilbert both deal with the aftermath of the Redmond proposal.
1. Anne's Despair

**A/N: Anne of Green Gables has always been a treasured story to me. Anne refers several times to suffering from depths of despair. This story explores her depths of despair after Gilbert proposed the first time and she turned him down. I do not own Anne, Gilbert, or the series. I do own the idea though.**

Depths of despair, that's how Anne felt at the moment. Though when she had said that at the age twelve it had held a very different meaning. Before age twelve it was what Anne would say while in one of her foster homes or when she was having to go back to the orphanage again. After coming to Green Gables, the depths of despair was when Gilbert Blythe beating her in classes or not being allowed to see Diana.

This was nothing in comparison to what she had dealt with at Green Gables. And it was so different than what she had dealt with at foster homes. There no one had really wanted her. They just wanted the worker. Problems for the most part at Green Gables had been smaller, although having to not be friends with Diana had been devastating. This was a different type of devastating. Now her friend was gone and it was her fault but it was not. She had had an idea that Gilbert was interested in all complete honesty. But she never thought he would propose! She thought she had made her thoughts on that subject clear. He was a dear and treasured friend. And she was going to miss him so much. He understood her in a way no one else did even Diana. She could debate with him and have a battle of the wits with him. He had caused so much damage to her world with his proposal and then refusal to continue to be friends. She knew that it had been hard for him to refuse her that but she wished he had not. He did not want to refuse her nor did she want him too, so why had he refused her? She was going to miss her friend and she hoped he would miss her so why had he not agreed to continue to be friends?

She pulled herself out of her head enough to stare out into the garden that she had been in when her world had been messed up again. Did Gilbert not realize how unfair he was taking his friendship away like that? She had had so few friends in her life, especially a friend like him. Her conversation with Phil rang in her head, "Leave me alone, I need to rebuild my world," she had asked. "Without any Gilbert in it?" Phil had responded. She did not even know how to start rebuilding her world without any Gilbert in it. Since the age of twelve, he had been a part of her world in some way or another. Though to be fair for the first several years he was more the antagonist. However, he had grown to be someone to compete with, a friend, someone who understood her, and a guy who did not resent her brains nor her imagination. She knew that was not a common friend to have.

Anne did not know what to do now though. She wanted her friend back but he seemed pretty insistent that he wanted nothing to do with her for the moment. A flight of fancy encouraged her to try to imagine what life with Gilbert would be like. She just could not imagine it. A slight laugh came from her. She had finally found something that her imagination couldn't create. Marilla would never believe that she had found a limit to her imagination. And it was something that might actually be useful. Trying to imagine a life with Gilbert might even be considered practical by Marilla! She still could not do it though. Though she supposed that since she could not imagine it, that should be considered a sign that they were not meant to be. Gilbert would be alright with time. She was sure. Until then she would have to fight through her depths of despair and respect his wishes too. Even if she wanted to push him instead. If she was patient, maybe her friend and competitor would return.


	2. Gilbert's Misery

**A/N: I obviously do not own Anne or Gilbert or the series.**

Gilbert was walking in Kingsport but he could not quite care enough to know where. Anne had said no, he had asked her to marry him and she had said no! He knew that sometimes when he turned a little romantic she had to change the subject but he thought it was her trying to be proper or nerves or anything other than this! Did she think he did not see how she looked at him? Did she not notice that she did not like any girl he talked with that was single? The look in her eyes that she gave to him and no one else. If he found out that he had gotten turned down in any part because of calling her carrots as a child, he would go insane. He thought he had been punished enough for that but if Anne felt he needed more punishment, then anything if it meant that she would say yes in the end. He did not know how he would fix his stupid childhood mistake but he would. Anything for his Anne-girl.

His heart felt too much emotion. He had never realized how literal those books Anne loved were when they talked about heartbreak. His heart felt like it had shattered and he had been stabbed all at once. He felt numb but drowning in emotion. He did not want to feel anything but that was not what he needed either. He needed one of his best friends, he needed... Anne. But he had refused to be friends with her. He knew that he could not, her friendship would never be enough for his heart as he had already discovered. He wanted to be the man Anne turned to and she had made her opinion clear on that. Now he did not have Anne at all. Thinking about her made it worse but what could he think about that did not go back to her? Schoolwork? Competing with Anne in classes. Family? Telling his mother that Anne had said no. Kingsport and Avonlea were full of memories with Anne and the two of them together. How was he supposed to deal with this? How was he supposed to see her with some other guy? There was a whole list of them who would love to be her escort. What had Anne called this? His brain helpfully chipped in,"depths of despair." He was definitely in that. He realized that he was walking up the stairs of his boarding house. He sighed, there were plenty of medical texts to read and other assignments that he could work on. He might as well throw himself into his schoolwork. For who could love a man, who loved Anne instead of them?


End file.
